wash.off

1319: Photos

2007-03-05T18:03:00.000+08:00

One of erwin's collages. I've moved on from those days of photoshopping every article of my life.

I always loved photos, especially photo blogs, if not for the fact that they take awfully long to load at times. Even with broadband. Photographs are worth more than words, they tell me more things that words cannot say. Photographs make me feel as if i'm there, i'm part of the scene. Photographs depict and create. Photographs tell more than just a story, it leaves room for intepretation and wondering thoughts by the viewer. Each photograph tells more than a story, in fact, thousands of it. Theories of visual communication tell us that visual cues bring us from one point of the photo to another. Like an SOP, theories spoil the creativity behind the story of the picture. Probably that's why i have a love hate relationship with these theories. They teach me more, but they dimmed my light of meaning that i hold for photos.

Too bad, i'm not a photographer.

1318. 2006: That's a Wrap!

2006-12-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

An eventful year, bursting at the seams with transitions, drama and roller-coaster emotions all year round. Just as we all thought that the year will end peacefully, bangkok is being blasted with bombs as we scream one to ten backwards in our annual mindless parties, this year at the latest hangout near the southern tip of our rainy island. The year has indeed been eventful, globally and back at home for everyone. Turning 21 has opened much of my eyes, and i'm sure 22 will be a better number for me.

In short, this is what i did this year:

ORD in april;
Bangkok with Calvin & Lionel in feb;
Consort's concert in march;
Relief teaching physics at xinmin;
Sung with tpjc for concert and olomouc;
Went olomouc with consort;
Toured salzburg & zurich with nelson, kelun, thomas k, kelvin, yc;
Matriculated into NTU-SCI;
Went for CSFOC;
Held my 21st birthday celebrations;
Sat for my 1st uni exams;
Carolled with consort at meridien;
Carolled with hall choir at various locations;
spent the last day of the year playing mahjong. =)

Met tons of new people this year. A look at my birthday celebration this year i realized more than half my guestlist were people whom i got to know this year only. CS peeps, tp choir people, consort people. Wonderful people, i'd say. People are the determining factor of one's life, i'd say. And this year is no different. Because of the experiences that i share with the people around me, that made my 21st year such a wonderful year. Those ups and downs (albeit a bit more downs), people who loved me and i love, people who hurt me and i hurt, people who hates me and i hate, people who doted on me and i dote, i guess they all are parts of the mosaic of my 2006. Some dark, some bright, some dull, some colourful. That's what makes a good picture.

In the dawn of each new year lies new hope. That goes for me as well. The past month has been somewhat eventful, i'd so glad that the festivities are here to give me an excuse to avoid them and to immerse myself in endless mahjong sessions. 2007, a challenge to meet. There are new places i want to explore, new things i want to do.

Will i ever return? i don't know. Pray about it. ;)

1317. Exam Results

2006-12-28T16:26:00.000+08:00

I must say, the first reaction i got when i saw my own results was that of ecstasy. Never mind if half the cohort did better than me. Never mind if i have a couple of Bs. Never mind about everything else. At least everything was as i expected, or better.

Its still pouring for the past couple of days. Driving up to school at night under those showers can be pretty taxing and challenging. No choice, with all those cheerleading practices held late at night. Boxing day was not uneventful this year as well. Earthquakes rocked taiwan, while i spent the day chilling out with eric in town. One of those rare days that i even go out, given that i'm so broke nowadays.

And to think i wanna go taiwan next year. With this earthquake i wonder if it's still worth going to taiwan.

Cheerleading practice was quite a waste of time last night, so to speak. But tensions nearly flew. About punctuality and attendance, about sincerity and commitment. I have my fair share of problems with my team as well, and given a choice between attendance and punctuality i'd rather have punctuality. It's a reflection of attitude. And good attitude matters to a lot of people. And bad attitude pisses people off, and are often root of arguments.

Received three small lil gifts from the hall peeps for choir, cheerleading and dnd. Small effort, but i guess it was sweet of the person(s) who thought of giving them to the subcommers. =) I should do something like that for my foc people next year as well after the event.

Think i wanna snooze again.

1316. Christmas

2006-12-25T12:56:00.000+08:00

Mahjong till late last night. 2 slow rounds, but it was all fun i guess. Hahaha.

Yesterday was a pretty slow day. Woke up slightly after noon, went "Shit." and rushed out of the house for choir. Was half hour late, no thanks to traffic and all. And boy, calling me so many times won't teleport me to the practice venue instantaneously. Use some logic please. Any faster i go, you can visit me at the hospital. Tan Tock Seng, if i can choose.

Carolling was good yesterday. The sound was pretty good, i must say. Less for some weird ending chords and all, probably it was the best performance for our past couple of days, making it a good roundup. Sang my heart out for the half hour, though my high notes were like so gone.

Lost 16 bucks at mahjong. Been on a losing streak recently. But i guess i don't really mind. Hahaha. I'd rather spend money on mahjong anyday then to go out and waste them on 3 cups of overpriced coffee.

Gonna watch vj at raffles hotel later on. Hopefully can get seats. Lol.

Merry Xmas!

1315. Christmas Woes

2006-12-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

Christmas's a pretty tame affair this year.

I totally missed church celebrations this year. Today, went carolling instead of service. Wrong priorities i thought, but i thought there was going to be only 2 tenors. Boy i was wrong.

I'm freaking irritated with certain personalities, so to speak. I hear so much stories, and feel so much over the past few days.

Kena nudged.

Kena suanned.

Kena bitched.

Kena show offs.

Kena THE look.

Wah lau. Please la. You want to nudge i give you soft toy to nudge. You want to suan i give you lemons. You want to bitch i give you a dog. You want to show off i give you a mirror la. Better still, take a bloody tape recorder, record your own freaking sound and playback la. Show off to me for what. You want to stare go bloody stare at those ah bengs drinking beer at the kopitiams la. Stare at me for what. Don't tell me you never go off pitch. Don't tell me your technique is consistently perfect. Don't tell me that you never get lazy. You have your faults too, bear that in mind. What faults, you know yourself. And shame on you picking on someone with less choir experience than you. Ego will bring you nowhere, dude.

So now, go to your own freaking corner and sulk. Don't bug me anymore.

1314. Lousy

2006-12-22T01:46:00.000+08:00

I'm in a fucking lousy mood now. You know, one of those times where you simply feel so insecure about everything that you do.

FOC. choir. cheerleading. studies. friends. family. relationships.

I feel so screwed. In every single aspect.

Jokingly it may seem at times, but boys, be responsible for your freaking words. Don't assume that people are in the mood to joke with you. I'm in no farking mood to play guessing games with you. Even if i'm not qualified to criticise others, i'm jolly well entitled to rant. Bear that in mind.

The same feeling i got a year ago came back. With new additions to the section i feel threatened. I feel my flaws all reappearing again. Or rather, maybe it was never solved. Just plainly overlooked. I feel so... weak. Thoughts of pulling out from this concert even crossed my mind. I know it's just letting my thoughts run wild, but maybe i should not even try so hard at all. Am i even trying? Maybe i'm not. I don't know.

Once again, it's those sickening thoughts of wondering how come some people got it all, and it seems to hard for people like us to reach that kind of standards. And it's so prevalent everywhere. Freaking hell...

It christmas and yet i don't feel the christmas cheer anywhere around. I haven't even got down to writing my cards. Only wrote 5 so far. Grrr.

You know it's one of those times when i just feel like breaking down and have a good cry. It's wussy to do that, but it heals. Heals all hurts and loneliness. Letting emotions flow freely and not having to put up the brave front and pretend that life is all pink and rosy and fun and all.

But many a times, we all do things in a spur of a moment, only to regret the next moment.

1313. Rainy Evening

2006-12-19T19:50:00.000+08:00

I'm not a particular fan of rain. I used to like rain, but not anymore. It hinders going out, it pours (literally) even in my own emotional climate. Though it's nice to snooze in such a weather, but when one have to go out, it's a bummer.

I was sleeping happily in my hall room until i was rudely woken up by a phone call, requesting or rather, demanding for help to carry some stuff. Fine. Maybe it's because my sleep was interrupted i felt grouchy. Never particularly liked him too, heck. Never liked hall life. Heck with it.

1312. A Musical Journey

2006-12-18T11:46:00.000+08:00

Exactly 42 days to concert, and i don't even feel it coming. Haha. And i've gotta sell ten tickets, so people, help me out a bit here alright? =)

---

The Vocal Consort (Singapore) Presents: A MUSICAL JOURNEY

Baroque, Renaissance, Gregorian, Avant Garde - each of them represents a different musical period, a different musical influence.

Join The Vocal Consort on "A Musical Journey" to rediscover the choral works of each musical era.

The choir will be presenting pieces by Franz Joseph Haydn, John Rutter, Anton Bruckner, Mihiyo Mamiya, etc. Under the influence of each musical period, these composers have penned choral pieces unique to each musical period and in doing so, helped further shaped each period.

Experience for yourself the defining choral style of each musical period and bring home with you a deep appreciation of the different choral styles.

Tickets are priced at $17, $19, $23 & $26 (excluding SISTIC charges) and are available at SISTIC.

----

Please let me know if you're getting the tickets and coming right? And get them before the school reopens. Or else good seats will be gone. =)

1311. Cheerleading Workshop

2006-12-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

Two days of stretches, cheers, sidelines, tumblings, stunts, throws, lifts, falls and everything else is finally over. Its been a good two days of practices, stretches and trying things that i'd never dare to try. All the coordinated stunts, pretty fun but tough. Like throwing a girl up and then supporting her by her feet. At chest level. Ouucchh. My neck, shoulders, arms and legs are kinda aching now, and there's still cheerleading practice later tonight.

Today was especially tiring. Partially due to insufficient sleep, late night supper with jt and a jawdropping experience with the hall choir. Ensemble singers who can't, umm.... never mind. Best wishes to the conductor.

I should be going... cuz i'm darn tired.

1310. Poor Wrists

2006-12-12T13:02:00.000+08:00

If there's one thing i forgotten about the ills of cheerleading, it's the strain on the wrists. Especially if your left hand is not the master hand.

First prac was on last night. Turn up was, umm, can-be-improved but we did some basic stuff. Like elevator. Dunno how many times. Was quite ok until i switched sides. Had to support the girl's heels where most weight was on on my left wrist. Ouch.

Had supper with james last night. Went to ntu south spine rooftop thereafter and chatted till 4am. Sweeeet. Haven't chilled out, laze and chat and do nothing else for so long le. Hahaha.

Im so tired now. brrr. ciaoz.

1309. Chinese Post

2006-12-11T14:38:00.000+08:00

Ever since i tried to post an entry in mandarin (to no avail), i've been too busy cleaning up my house for the past few days to even bother coming here to drop a couple of words.

My room's now in orange and pale pink. Yucks. What fantastic colours... compliments of mother. I have no qualms about the orange, but the pale pink was a mistake. Compliments of mother yet again. She has quoted the wrong paint number to the painter and happily brought a bunch of secondary school kids to china while i was home half wondering if she was playing a cruel joke on me. Well, the paint works forced me to clean up my room, dump lots of unwanted stuff, flipped through an entire box full of cards and much more.

Speaking of which, i better start writing christmas cards. 2006's not gonna be the year i stop the tradition.

Cheerleading prac begins tonight. I'm still in disbelief that i actually joined. lols.

1307. Food Trail - The Inagural Supper Hop

2006-12-08T14:22:00.000+08:00

4 places, 10 items, 52 dollars, 100+ kilometers. Well worth! Let the photos do the talking...

1306. Sms & The Old Folks

2006-12-06T21:43:00.000+08:00

I simply can't resist to put up this sms sent by mother dearest from china:

"Dn you teach ah ma hnw tn use washing maching ter centre cantput put washing pnwer"

How the hell does one actually interpret that?? Sms conversations with my mother is, at best, bearable yet incomprehensible.

That above, sound roughly translate to:

"Did you teach ah ma how to use the wahsing machine? The centre (compartment) should not be used to put the washing powder."

Oh my goodness.

Technology and age do not match. =)

1305. Car Wash

2006-12-02T22:02:00.000+08:00

I so don't feel like blogging today. But i shall do so anyway.

Today is our maiden car wash for csfoc 2007. We made quite a fair bit, washed a little over half a hundred cars. I picked up ziliang in the morning at paya lebar before going to carpark e2 of east coast. Turnout was not bad, but there was a little drizzle. So we waited it out, and had coffee at the hawker center.

We started at ten, washed till two, had lunch, then washed again.

Then we went parkway for dinner, before going our separate ways. I went to jared's birthday party at his place.

Argh. i'm sian liao. byeeee.

1304. Charlene

2006-11-26T10:52:00.000+08:00

1303. Impulses

2006-11-25T12:57:00.000+08:00

Staying at home for the past couple of days have been pretty surreal. Watching five episodes of a drama revolving around a dead husband, working mum, a jailed spouse, gossips and bitching (the list goes on) you just need a break somewhere. Dinner at tampines mall was good, and i lost six miserable dollars and some petrol on the late night mahjong.

Here i am, on the impulse to blog.

Impulsive actions are harmful to the souls. I forgotten since when, i told myself to give in to impulses because i might never have the chance ever again. Random actions, irrelevant words and awkward situations usually follow those. Of course, there are some perks of spontaniety as well, reaffirming my decision to follow my heart. In retrospect, impulses are really dumb. It makes certain places lose its meaning, certain gestures lose their warmth, certain words lose their flavour and certain objects lose their significance. Remember those days that you went to a special place with coveted memories just simply because you felt like doing it? And subsequently you frequent the place almost every other day because you keep giving in to your own whims? After a while the place lose its meaning.

Ikea's cafe was one part of my covered past. But since those days i took on steven for tuition, i visited it every week, and subsequently its about as common as the coffeeshop beneath my house. The memories of the event remain, but the place became dead to me.

With exams over, its pretty weird to have all the free time of the world. And with everyone busy with their own stuff, i wonder how should i occupy my time. A job would have been great, but with foc, dnd, cheerleading and carolling, the time's definitely not allowing it. Every other varsity soul is probably still busy with their exams. Only we "cool communication students" (to quote jared) are probably the only lucky rats to frolic in the streets proclaiming that exams are over. Every one of us are probably busy anyway. Ziliang's over in shanghai cuddling up with his girl-on-exchange-friend, the hae gals (manda, rai, yayun, dawn) are probably spending precious time making-out/wasting-it/hanging-out together with their boyfriend/soon-to-be-boyfriends/soon-not-to-be-boyfriends. God knows what my foc comm is doing as well. Erwin's probably at island creamery licking ice cream with some girl, leigh's still reading up on bali when she's going there like soon, charmain's dead from working last night, feebs and lays lying at home doing god-knows-what. And the list goes on. Here i am, blogging and speculating what they are doing.

"You've got no life man, xuan."

Waitaminit. There's church later, choir tomorrow, and lots more desperate housewives to watch! Who says i've got no life? And yes, there's also 111 books to return to all major libraries too!

1302. Recollections of Europe

2006-11-24T10:53:00.000+08:00

The hotel that we kids put up in. Nelson and the rest put up in a different hotel, a couple of streets down. Europe taught me how to walk. The lack of a comprehensive public transport, the cooling weather and the seemingly safe streets, they all make walking lovely and breezy.

Love little dinner place we found in one of the back alley of salzburg. So good are their pasta, we went back the following evening for another round. Wonderful slow pace, but with no rush or hurry, why bother? Sipping juice, enjoying the cool evening breeze and chatting with friends and acquaintances after a hectic week, who cares if time slips away slowly. Alas, only if the sun never sets.

King's bridge.

Forgotten which church is this though. One of the many that we saw while transiting in munich.

World cup fever running the streets of munich.

The lion monument that is worth a glance.

And i miss the stage. January, i'm waiting.

1301. Charlene's Birthday

2006-11-23T22:48:00.000+08:00

I'm an idiot. I grabbed the camera out of my hall, without bringing the cable back. The photos are as good as captive in my camera.

FOC meeting the whole damned day, which was pretty productive i had to say. Followed by a kiddy birthday celebration for charlene at KAP's macdonalds. My first macdonalds party, if you need to know.

I feel like a kid. Hahaha. Haha. Ha.

Suddenly it seems all so surreal. Nothing to do all of a sudden, and i've gotta fill up my own schedule, time and all.

I know there's consort, foc, cheerleading, dnd and christmas coming along, but i don't feel all so excited. Somewhat. In fact, i'm taking them as routine.

It's always scary to share your darkest secrets to someone, even if he's close. You'll wonder, if he's still accepting. Thanks dude. ;)

Tomorrow will be a slow day. Let's enjoy.

1300. Predicted Grades

2006-11-22T22:59:00.000+08:00

With the conclusion of my first examinations in the wee kim wee school of communication and information in nanyang technological university, collectively known as the NTUWKWSCI, i'm proud to announce my predicted grades:

CS101: B
CS102: B+
CS107: B
CS108: A-
CS111: B+
CS816: B-

Predicted GPA: 3.78

With that, we'll match it with the actual one when results are announced in december.

====

It's a start of a long long holiday...

1299. Chats

2006-11-20T17:51:00.000+08:00

Went consort yesterday, and it's all fun and warmth, and it didn't seemed like i took a break at all. Haha. The practice, the carols, the familiar voices and the mahjong thereafter, all smells feels and seems all so familiar. It's been a year since this has been going on, and boy am i glad that it's still going on. =)

Had a pretty lengthy chat with sam over late night coffee after we left nelson's place a tad poorer. Army, girlfriends, consort, friends, movies, studies, shopping, coffee, so on and so forth. If i didn't had a paper this afternoon we probably would have gone on the whole night. It's been good catching up with him, and in retrospect, it was really quite a heartwarming talk. Never had such an in depth convo with anyone for that matter.

Today's paper was a breeze. Wheee. Alright, back to books.

1298. Hurt

2006-11-19T02:30:00.000+08:00

It's plain to me, many of us are hurt, but most of us don't wanna show it, talk about it or even admit it.

It's tough living today huh. Holding all the hurts grievances and all for the past 20 or so years, and holding on to them for another 60 years in the future.

Tough isn't it? Kind of young to feel so depressed, isn't it?

It seems like instead of dealing with it we use things to mask it. Like how we like to use air freshener to cover up foul smell, only to make it smell even worse after the initial fragrance fizzed away.

We all need a lil love, lil compassion. ;)

1297. Exams

2006-11-15T09:50:00.000+08:00

First day of exams!

Haha... i'm surprisingly calm actually. Calm in the sense that, i didn't wake up and panicked, grabbing my books and mug even before i washed up.

No, i feel so at peace whenever i'm out of cs. Maybe i should spend less time in school. Haha.

All the best people!

1296. Suppers

2006-11-14T10:20:00.000+08:00

In this crucial period when all uni students are supposed to glue their asses to the study seat and mug non-stop 14 hours a day, i have the audacity to go on not one supper, not two, but a spate of suppers. Almost every night, playing the catch up game with army friends.

Last wednesday was upp thomson with eugene, reminiscencing about the good old maple flag days. Along with those whacky videos i made of the trip, including him spoofing maj g, and the (un)fortunate discovery of these videos by people that matter. Haha.

Went to casuarina initially for their kambing soup, alas they were closing and only had prata left. adjourned to prata king, where i realized that 1 egg onion prata was barely enough for me. Sheesh. The crispy prata was rather to my taste though, it tasted like hot crackers. I like!

Friday was spent with dunwen at 85, savouring fried oysters, chicken wings and ah-balling. Chicken wings was fffffantastic, even as a postlude to ikea's fried wings just the day before. slurp! fried oysters were so-so. you know i always go for just the eggs rather than the oysters. Never really acquired the liking for the oysters. Haha. He had the ahballings, but i was pretty full so i passed on it. My teh-peng never came, so we left there and then.

Last night was teochew porridge with eric (and his other half). Oh, thanks for the treat. ;) Seeing the two of them reminds me of the cartoon strip in the comm mosaic textbook, Ricandamy. Haha. Still bitching about the good old days (highly debatable) where hans' russ bear was the object of my sadism, and i was the object of eric's violence (ouch). The significantly missing third member of this trio was naturally the subject of our bitching session also. Hansel, how could we missed out on you right? So just to let you on, we talked about your stage kiss and how your parents never spoke to you after that, your cross-dressing photo on your blog, how ziwei (who's working somewhat for trevvy) told eric about the online furore on sgboyx on you (or so it seems, but we vow to go see for ourselves and find out anyway), possibility of posting up your photos on the forum, and also the possible marketing of your contact details for a fat profit... haha... some good friends we are right? lols. Alright, on a more humane level, we were also wondering when will you be back so we can do supper together at chomp chomp. =)

alright, alright. that's enough. back to the books. 30 hours to first paper. =)

1295. Mighty To Save

2006-11-13T01:02:00.000+08:00

Saviour,
He can move the mountains,
My God is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save.

Forever,
Author of salvation,
He has conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Powerful, magnificent.
Simple lyrics, simple truth.

Maybe it's because i'm feeling down recently.
It never fails to uplift me, each time i'm down, each time i seek refreshment.
Worship's a blasting way to feelin all high and nice. =)

God, thanks for all the healing music...

1294. Egocentrism

2006-11-10T19:50:00.000+08:00

Egocentric: thinking only for oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centered.

I'm not gonna latch into a whole self-condemning and pity-gathering entry on how egocentric i've been in the entire semester, what a bastard i have been, an ungentleman that i am and all those bullshit.

In short, yes, i admit, i screw it up in that area. And that's that.

Lesson learnt, and time to be more conscious in time to come. Especially that FOC is going on high in december. Or so i want.

Unilateral: performed by or affecting only one person, group or country involved in a particular situation, often without the agreement of others.

There are times that i find it hard to express myself in words, be it verbally, or in print. There are also times i find nothing else to talk about except people and feelings. Because i think they are important. And less importantly so, because i don't know much else to talk about. People seemed like a safe bet. It's interesting to analyse conversations, monologues and behaviours, how we react to friends and foe.
It's puzzling how come people has so different face-to-face and online personas. The aloof, lonesome creature you call a dork in school, may be a whacko in the virtual community.

If only live is editable. I'd choose to rearrange the scenes of life, and make it a whole lot more dramatic and funny than what it is now. I would take out some really draggy portions like relationship turmoils, even though the sadist in everyone likes to watch such scenes. I would prolong and slow-mo portions like holidays. Muting sounds, writing misleading subtitles to make dialogues speak what the actors are not saying. That's cool. I always think that life is worthy of a drama. That's what make us enjoy it so much. Though it's the little things that matter in life, but it's the big things that makes us enjoy life.

I like doing alternative agendas. It's cliche, it's old school by now, but we're still not very accepting of it.

And yes, everyone has the dark side. It's time for me to explore it and fall in love with it.

1293. Still

2006-11-10T14:19:00.000+08:00

When the oceans rise, and thunders roar
I will soar with you, above the storm
Father you are king, over the flood
I will be still and know you are God...

This song is ever so ministering. After going through a desert i'm so thankful that these words still mean something to me.

I know i rarely verbalise this nowadays, but thank you God. =)

Thanks for teaching me new ways of life that i never thought i'd learn.

1292. Shattered

2006-11-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

I haven't mentioned much of this before, but finally the 108 video has come to an end. Two days ago, to be exact.

Here's it: Shattered.

Warning, it's rated M18, so viewer discretion is advised.

Much thanks to many people. To be exact, (in chronological order of production)

thanks kester, for helping to act in the clip. Know it hasn't been easy working with my group, thanks for being helpful and being graceful nonetheless.

thanks erwin for the help in the first day's shoot. the fresh ideas and all, thanks for all of them. very, very entertaining. =)

thanks mandric, rongjun & derek for the music. I know i've been buggy you guys for help and all, but i'm glad to say that ur works have been put to good use. ;)

thanks sean for the help in flash. the tight deadlines, anal demands and all, thanks for bearing with them all.

thanks to the audience, for the wonderful reception to my team's work.

Enjoy, one and all, before i decide to keep it away forever.

1291. Talk To Me

2006-11-08T16:50:00.000+08:00

This is an egocentric post.

Sometimes, i just wish she could be my best friend, and talk to me.
Even when i'm sitting beside her, talking to her, she'd just turn and talk to someone else.
What can i do?
Gee, i don't know.
Except to leave and try again, yet another time.
Is there really no room for a good guy friend?
Or guys must 'ways maintain their distance?

This is an egocentric post.

1290. Colorgenics

2006-11-04T11:16:00.000+08:00

Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour.

You are trying to improve your position and prestige - be it in your life or in your workplace. Things are, at this time, OK - but they could be better. You feel that it is essential that you break down any opposition that could possibly lurk in the shadows. You know that you are quite capable of achieving this set goal because you have to and because it is essential to your self esteem.

Your involvements seldom measure up to your high emotional expectations and your 'needs' to be 'loved' and 'cared for' have in the past often led to extreme disappointment. But a change is in the wind - make a firm decision to start anew. Just 'think' it..and it will happen.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.

===

Thanks to leigh. i'm sold too!

1289. Tears at Two

2006-11-04T11:06:00.000+08:00

You know how i usually formulate fantastic blogging ideas on the bus? And i lose them all the moment i get home.

Talk about short term memory.

It's been a traumatic evening. I've been crushed, rolled over, flattened and then spat twice over for the added effect.

Thank god for window grills. Otherwise the previous post might have been my parting note.

1288. Cold Wind

2006-10-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

Mundane facts for the day:

1. I thought my 1% plagiarism was fantastic enough. Someone beat me at 0%.
2. 442 surveys are in, translating to more than a thousand bucks in the FOC fund. =)
3. Postponement of 102 presentation becomes a huge load lifted off my shoulders.
4. 111 presentation went on well, even without a script.
5. I was labelled as a flirt by feebs, for allegedly flirting with a certain someone.
6. I never knew i had an inner beng in me.

The air-con's pretty quirky tonight. When switched on, it becomes too cold. Without it, i feel damn hot sia... It's weird being at home on a monday night, and pretty cumbersome without a working mouse. Conveniently left it ~~at home~~ in hall, that became the perfect excuse to stop work for an evening. Only to find myself bored, and becoming a sucker for chatting buddies on msn. Grrr.

Woe to msn. Cursed be the one who invented msn.

(And there i go, switching on the damned aircon again.)

I was just telling raslyn today that A's are subjective. While you can control the content you put in your paper, you cannot control the grade you're getting. It's like one of the podcast of mrbrown where there was this two kids conversing, about "last time 75% is a good grade, now 66% also good grade." While you can try to influence the outcome, what matters most is what the power-welder says: whether its good or otherwise.

That's why, i shall just study what i think is important. After all, while you cannot dispute the reaction between sulphuric acid and sodium hydroxide, pros and cons of a certain policy can be widely intepreted and critiqued.

And i'm so gonna waste my tomorrow away...

1287. Ten Things

2006-10-27T18:23:00.000+08:00

I saw this really cool poster when i alighted from the bus just now.

"if you only have 6 months left, what will you do?"

Then there's a list of 100 things that one might do. From eating ice-cream to making a will, almost everything's there. Everything that's pure and nice. =) The poster's white, making it seem full of hope and all. It dawned upon me. It seems so far away, 6 months. But how will one feel, say, 2 weeks before the 'appointed' death day? 5 days? or the day before? Isn't it so... scary?

Everyone should pay a visit to lifebeforedeath.org.sg and take a look at the video logs of muhd abdooh. It's courageous, to say the very least, for someone to share his last days with the world. The world that cares enough to see. For whatever reasons.

It makes life seems so much more precious now. So much more wonderful, smelling the roses amongst the thorns and thistles. I've been pricked quite a fair bit over the past weeks, mostly self-inflicted one to say the very least. But thank God for some wonderful souls for cheering me up. =)

Life's really a game. About fame and shame. Some get caught in this rat race, but blessed are those who rise above it. Without a care, methinks they know better. It makes me think, why do i even try sometimes, when all i get in the end, is not exactly what i want.

Do you know what i want?

mrk. =)

1286. Guessing Games

2006-10-24T03:08:00.000+08:00

Been slipping in and out of sleep for the past few hours. Roomie went to run, and came back already. Decided to get up and do some blogging in the end.

Thoughts of all sorts never fails to rush through my head on such nights. At 3am in the morning, it's a sure recipe for melancholy to slip in, given the fatigue and the buzzing of the night.

Images of me sitting alone in a train carriage. Walking through the backlane of some derelict shophouses. Lying alone on my bed at home, in a lazy sunset.

In short, all images of loneliness.

The egocentric me have half the thoughts of making all these thoughts into a movie. But heck no. It'll make editting really painful and difficult to my weak mental state.

Each breathe i take seem so difficult as each day passes. Something within me yearns to cry out. I'm just waiting for a trigger to let the floodgates of tears open up wide. The release, i've been seeking, yet couldn't find.

It's not about the stress from work alone. It's not about people as well. I always prefer to think that the problem lies with me. The world doesn't revolve around me. I still remember spitting that at me years ago. Rachel tan, i think. It's not a healthy thought, but somehow it makes the blame game so much easier to play. And it esteems others. So, why not?

On the other hand, let's talk about something else. There are things that i don't wanna do at times not because i'm not willing, but because i know that i'll indiscriminately fall into some trap that i have no intentions of going into. Call it the lack of professionalism on my part, if you want it. I called prevention is better than cure. Now that i've done it, and i've fallen into it, it's affecting me badly. I find myself being so much more aware of it. And there are days my mood depends on it. And it'll definitely affect my friendships for that matter. Not that they are very strong anyway.

I feel, i feel, i feel.

Confused, upset and hurt. By myself.

1285. Long Overdue

2006-10-23T12:25:00.000+08:00

This was supposed to be up like on friday. Damn the widget.

I've finished my 816 lab, submitted my last 816 AB assignment, breezed through my 101 test, didn't do so well for my 107 writing assignment, but heck it! it's gonna be a goooooood weekend!! hahahaha~

1284. I'm Trying To Write

2006-10-18T17:01:00.000+08:00

It's midweek, and i'm going home later. Supposed to catch daniel for supper, but i won't know if that will happen. Let's keep fingers crossed.

Let's get the lousy bits over first. I've got 5 more journal articles to do by friday, a 101 midterm on friday morning and 3 projects plus papers due in less than 2 weeks. 102's group dynamics leave much to be desired, 108 is getting on fine, except that we really need to start working on the website and photorgraphy. I miss my camera, though i seriously don't like the colour management of lumix. Remind me to get it back from geraldine. 111 is at a standstill now. I'm just hoping that miracles will happen. For now.

Alright, that's all for school work. And it sounds really sucky, huh?

We're talking about this in lecture today. Vivian's talking about romantic relationships. Though i'm not listening, as usual, something interesting came out. Pick up lines. And poor imran was arrowed to give some. Here's some excerpts from the lecture.

Imran: Is your dad a baker?
Rai: No... why?
Imran: oh i thought he was a baker cuz i think you've got a nice butt.

Aw. Whatever. Crraaaappp.

OH. Here's a better one:

Guy: Do you have a raisin?
Girl: No.
Guy: How about a date?

Gee. that's not too bad... hahaha. Though i think pick-up lines are like so passe.

Been talking to people about stress and depression recently. About school work, people politics and stress. Some say pray. Some say smoke, cry or run. Some say scream. Some say listen to music. Some say binge.

Tried all, but realized that none really work well. Morbid as it sounds, i seem to like to dwell in melancholy. Loneliness seems to be a way of life, though i'd love to be in crowds anyway. Somewhat like being transient. I love sitting at airport transit areas, seeing people come and go. Sipping my coffee, seeing people whom i know come and go every so often. I can't stay with one pack for long. I'll stray. Maybe it's the fear to commit. The fear of being hurt. The fear of insecurity.

I don't know. Ever since 2004, i've stopped trusting.

People are a scary bunch. I love each and everyone of my friends very much, but the games some people play, makes me find it hard to love them anymore. I'm pretty clear of my emotions, but "i don't know" is always the best facade to put up, to keep off discerning minds and inquiring pests. When i'm moody, it's not because i want attention. I need the company and yet not the conversation. Sometimes, because i simply wanna wallow in emo moments.

I'm gonna drive the whole day tomorrow. It'll be therapeutic. My music and the roads are enough to take my attention off troubles, self-imposed or otherwise.

I find life very depressing, in case it's not very conclusive thus far. After uni, what's next? After getting a job, what's next? After marriage, assuming that i even want it, what's next? After having kids, what's next? After retirement, what's next? And after death, what's next?

It's a lousy cycle. I know it's between the 'what's next' moments that matters. It's the people that makes life more interesting. That's why there's always the need to talk about communication, relationships, human interest and many more. We are such complex creatures. So complex, it scares me.

Ran in the freakin haze yesterday with zl. It was a good outlet, though my stamina's getting worse. I can feel it. It's getting really bad, the way i feel that my breathe's going.

Gee, while i'm blogging, every other computer screen i see in front of me is either on msn, online quiz, computer games or blogsurfing. And i saw faiz in his brown shirt. At first glance, i thought he was topless. Gee.

Don't anyone thing relationships are scary things? There's the need for identifying common grounds. Then develop the relationship, then the commitment. I know it sounds easy, but the process is tough. You should be able to vouch for it. I see so many failed cases, though i never had one, i feel so skeptical and scared to even want to have one now. Or even in the future. No offence to anyone, but the girls i work with in school, i'm freaked out. Big time.

And gee. Now we're on the topic of relationships and communication between a couple. Saw this video between a couple talking about their future, or rather the bleak future they have. The girl has a very high expectation of the guy, and a career-first mentality. Much as i feel that girls should be given opportunities and fight for their careers, but i geel that they should not be too overbearing in a relationship. For this video , it's sad, and it simply reiterates the scariness in relationships today. Gee.

(No, chris, i'm not saying throw away your career for him. get your degree before marriage at all costs. please.)

1283. I Saw It Coming

2006-10-17T19:55:00.000+08:00

I've been whining about being stressed and all, but at least to me, life's depressing.

And i've not much of a life, to start with.

1282. Power of Music

2006-10-15T10:39:00.000+08:00

One should never underestimate the power of lyrics. It's a huge difference, the words make.

1281. World Trade Center

2006-10-12T02:09:00.000+08:00

Just came back not long ago from watching the Sept 11 docu-movie with 108 group plus kes. Hehs.

Been thinking a lot today, recently for that matter. Months since i last watched a movie, so the movie was a good emotional outlet. The movie wasn't particularly great, somewhat brings back memories of the documentary i watched on the collapse on the new world hotel back in 1986.

The story of despair, trauma, and finally, hope. The modus operandi was just so... similar. Well, did wondered about how certain scenes were made, and if graphics were deployed, they were pretty good. ;)

Ayes, i'm having the writers' block for now. And merv's peter russells' video is drawing me away from my mac as well. Hehs.

1280. Can't Get My Eyes Off You

2006-10-10T17:12:00.000+08:00

I'm addicted to video editting. =)

Transitions, clips, matching, moving images, sounds, words, frames. All to tell a story. And with technology as such today, it's so much more idiot-proof, so much more fun.

Now to embark on my 2nd story. =)

1279. Sway

2006-10-08T12:09:00.000+08:00

Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say its all because of you and here I go
Losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time
Tell you why
I say its infinately true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you

1278. Sharing

2006-10-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

Won't it be nice if everyone could share their experiences and works, and learn to appreciate each other's efforts?

What's a little sharing of work, especially when it's at the stage of infancy? Must we really guard our works so tightly? It's tiring, people.

I value people more than my grades. Trust me.

1277. Suicide

2006-10-05T01:09:00.000+08:00

Pastor jeff mentioned last week, most people commit suicide on monday, 6am to 9am, simply because they cantbear to face another week in work.

I say, about as many people commit sucide along the week because they can't bear to face another day in work.

Looking from the rooftop today, having a good view at jurong island, OCS tower, and jurong's landscape. The feeling's good. The ground looks good too.

The jambands today were good. Esp weiyang's one, though i kinda suspect that the lead singer is high on drugs. Leigh's voice was captivating, despite the sucky sound system. I seriously think that a good start for the 14th ci comm is to invest in a better system.

My eczema is working up again. My skin's all red and itchy, and i wonder if it has got to do with the haze at all. A convenient excuse. It's painful too.

And i'm out of sorts, still.

I skipped 2 lectures today, just to travel down to tutor someone. I must really reweigh my priorities.

And i guess i'm really too harsh on myself. I need to be happier.

1276. Lost

2006-10-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

Apologies leigh, but hope you have had a good celebration anyway. ;)

Looking lost. Wonder why i feel so lost too. Feeling very out of sorts. Been like that since last week, and have been trying to look for ways to alleviate it.

It's not right.

Not right to feel this way.

And i shouldn't expect people to always come meet my needs. It's not right.

Suddenly, i feel so alien. Like a sphere in a box of cubes. Don't fit.

I need a retreat. An effective one.

1275. Bowen

2006-10-03T19:39:00.000+08:00

1274. Leigh

2006-10-02T11:25:00.000+08:00

1273. Near Miss

2006-09-30T08:55:00.000+08:00

Almost had a meltdown yesterday night. It was the last straw. After an exhausting week, and a full day of running 2 tuitions, 2 'A' level tuitions that is, my eyes and nose started watering, somewhat unstoppable, and my vision was blurred and all. Refusing to admit defeat i went on teaching. After a while i gave up. I decided to leave.

As i stepped out into the night onto the streets, i felt so bad. So bad it hurts. So bad that i want to cry, but the ego in me kept me from doing so. I was so far, so far from everyone, from my refuge. In the ulu parts of the eastern side of this ~~sunny~~ island. I felt so lost. I wanted to take a cab, but heck no, that fifteen bucks won't justify it. I wanted someone right beside me now. anyone. But that's not gonna happen. So i did the next best thing. I called someone. It didn't matter who. Someone would do. And thanks jason for having that honour, and accompanying me on the phone for a good half hour.

It's times like this, we need the greater One to come and comfort us.

Dawn and i were like just discussing about the project mates from hell that scott warned us about. zl chipped in his two cents worth as well, on a separate occasion. So i'm not alone.

I'm inadequate. There's so much i can do. I'm not superhuman. I can't do everything well. I can't write scripts, i can't talk well, i can't argue convincingly, i can't direct a team well, i can't act, and the list goes on. But i'm willing, albeit with a bit of coaxing at times. And it'll help, alot, if some people keep their mouth glued tight, and try to help, instead of just telling me that when i say no, i should come up with a better alternative. When i do suggest alternatives, you just shoot me down without suggesting alternatives.

Spirit of excellence. If you want to do something, do it to the best. In the name ofharmony i let you on to do the shoot, thinking if i could do wonders with it later on. When i thought that video shoots are gonna be bad, i dind't think it'll turn out that bad. And talk about pushing blames. "No, it's not me who took those shots. It was XXXXX."

And if you do ever stumble across this page feeling offended, get lost. My space, my domain, and thank your lucky stars that i'm not naming names and pasting photos.

Nuff said.

And i woke up this morning, feeling heaty and all. Ah. Screw the KFC. That 1000+ calories, dammit.

But look on the bright side. That was all i ate yesterday. =/

On hindsight, if holidays were so stressful, i'd rather we don't have holidays. Baah. School's more fun, and less stressful. After all, we see each other everyday.

1272. Dota

2006-09-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

Four hours of dota. Therapeutic. It's my (near) virgin attempt at this popular game, and well, i don't fare that badly after all. Hehs. Dwarven sniper, my latest favourite character... pretty useful especially in levelling up. Hahaha.

Well, just put everything aside today, left my macbook at home, took my ipod and two readings out and headed down to national library to look for enghow for lunch. A simple lunch, extended to a massive lan gaming session with brothers that i haven't hung out with for god-knows-how long. Soooo much fun. Hahahhaa.

Whee. Tomorrow shall resume projects at full speed. Whee!

1271. Clarke Quay

2006-09-28T10:16:00.000+08:00

1270. Who Am I?

2006-09-28T00:36:00.000+08:00

Whole day's worth of filming. Not quite done yet, but some radical changes brought me in front of the camera, and not behind it.

And i can give you a thousand reasons why i don't like to be in front of the camera.

Mainly, they stem from the issue of self-consciousness. And self-confidence. Rather, the lack of it.

I'm fat, ugly, can't act for nuts and much more inadequate. (add the two words "i think" to the end of each phrase.)

Time to look up, and look on, man. Stop the self-pity party.

Sat in the car for a little while after reaching home, craving for that stick of cigarette that i used to hold. But of course, there ain't any within my reach. Send the thank you messages, then i sat there and let my thoughts wonder. There just this part of me, that just wanted to sleep and let the carbon monoxide murder me, but of course, the sensible side decided otherwise. Mom would still need the darn car to get to school tomorrow. Gee.

And i was wondering how to explain the expended fuel to her too. Well, she made things so much easier by asking favours of me. So it's advance payment. =p

Tomorrow shall be a mandatory rest day. I so need one. And i miss all yooooou cs people.

And thanks to one and all who made my video possible. Good night.

1269. First Shoot

2006-09-27T09:47:00.000+08:00

Boy i'm all excited about the shoot today... Haha... finally the script's coming alive. ;) And yes... i'm just praying that since i'm like getting favours everywhere, everything will go smoothly and nothing goes wrong... *cross fingers*

Getting props, ironing clothes, and more. Nothing could be more irritating and troublesome than all these props. Getting the actors wasnt half that hard, now to think of it. gee.

So lalala... i'm going off soon... tada!

1268. Good Morning Headache

2006-09-25T11:32:00.000+08:00

Woke up to the sound of heavy rain. Lovely. Extended my sleep for another 3 hours, before i woke up at 11am. Wonderful.

BUT.

I woke up with a bloody headache. Dammit.

Went online, surfed youtube for the supposed ntu choir video of binama. But can't find. Ended up finding chorale's post-victory rendition of no man is an island. Wonderful as usual. Not the vocals, but how the song is touching, and all.

Brought back memories of olomouc. Oh darned. I miss europe. Sharks.

1267. Vulnerable

2006-09-23T01:13:00.000+08:00

Feeling all tired, sleep and vulnerable.

Thanks chris darling, for accompanying me on supper. It's nice catching up with you, all those small talks, supper and drinks. I really miss ya gal. =) Thanks for being such a great buddy. =))) Love ya lots.

I really should sleep.

1266. School-Free

2006-09-22T18:03:00.000+08:00

Not quite. Lugging home the DV cam for the 108 project, along with 101 textbooks and all, i could almost forsee the entire week of supposed rest being inhaled by the projects, researches and all.

It's just mundane and downright pointless to rattle on about school, work and all every day. That's why you see me blogging less, and less. I don't even lug my camera around nowadays. Gee. So forget about those photographs.

Anyway, this blogger widget i got is pretty cool. No more logging into blogger dashboard, just blog at the touch of my F12 key. Wheee. =)

Are emotions something so mechanical, that you can just switch them off and on anytime we want to? I know as virgoans we are the perfect people to do so. But heck, no. I haven't quite moved on from 2 months back. I know it's all wrong and it shouldn't happen, but well, easier said than done.

Ah. Screw it.

Let's concentrate on something else. Like projects. Like FOC. Like hall DnD PnP.

And i'm like still so behind time, behind schedule, owing so many people, so many things. Argh. I hate this kind of feeling. Yucks.

Lala. Whatever. And let's marche this week, hae.

1265. Irritated

2006-09-20T15:41:00.000+08:00

Greatly irritated by a certain ~~lady~~ woman yesterday. Grrrr. Yesterday wasn't even a scheduled meeting, and hello, if you want to have an online discussion, you better be prepared to misunderstand some of the stuff people say. In short: take it light-heartedly. And some people didn't even have the decency to message when she didn't turn up for a scheduled meeting on tuesday before my class. Freaking waste my time. And don't even bother replying my sms. WTH. And i wonder why is she so uptight about the project as if it's THE project. Gee. Juvenile.

Alright alright, let's not complain anymore. Talk about some other mundane stuff that's prolly not gonna sound interesting to you. Be warned.

Tried blogging yesterday, but i think my previous post didn't get posted up. So sad.

Had lunch with dea and dinner with tim yesterday. A good change from the usual CS gals, and finally i get some alone time to do some stuff at my own pace. Finished up 107 assignment miraculously during 107 lecture. What irony. One down, countless more to go. =)

Having troubles sleeping recently. That's probably why i've been looking so bad recently as well. My nose is giving me problems almost every night. Gotta wake up at least 3 to 4 times each night to clear my nose. Still thinking if i should see a doctor. Maybe next week, during recess.

And i'm soooo looking forward to mahjong this sunday.... Hahah...

1264. Bonkers Unlimited

2006-09-17T00:33:00.001+08:00

Type type type. Backspace backspace backspace. Type type type. Backspace backspace backspace.

Loss of words.

I'm almost burnt. Or maybe even there, without realizing it. No, it's not foc. Please, if a few interviews could kill me, i would have died a million deaths by now.

It's just me. I know it. Cranky remarks, attention craving, getting into weird tensions with other dudes, getting all emotional without reason, the feeling of wanting to cry. All symptoms, all just signs of imbalance.

Or is it unbalance?

Gee, i don't know.

I detest him. I like her. I'm scared of you. I hate myself. A thousand feelings can just rush through me any point in time. It's scary. Sometimes i don't know if i'm really feeling that way, or i'm trying to make myself feel that way.

Those emotional guilt trips.

I want much. I crave for more. But i need the capacity. And people to love me.

And yes. J-en's damn hot. I love that gal's confidence. Give me that attitude anytime. ;)

1263. Punked Out of Bed

2006-09-14T08:07:00.000+08:00

Wonderful sleep. Wonderful morning. All spoilt by a darned brother who couldn't get up on time and was going to be late for school.

And i was called out of bed.

"Can you please send brother to school? He's going to be late. Pleeeeaaassseee?"

A mother's plea. Or rather, a rhetorical request that you know, i can't refuse.

Not even brushing my teeth, i got myself out of bed, changed into something more decent, took the key and phone and off i went, brother in toll.

The ride there was smooth. Ride back was horrible. Stupid roads, all clogged up with iressponsible drivers who don't seem to like to give way at 7am in the morning. Probably they are all like me, grouchy and grumpy, having to send kids to schools early in the morning.

And here i am. Online. Still lethargic. But somehow didn't feel like going back to sleep. But maybe i should, especially if i intend on getting some 101 into my head later on.

And i'm craving for macdonald's breakfast. Should i go? Hmmm.

1262. Crazy. Madness.

2006-09-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

It's my first day out as a budding reporter! Today's 107 was pretty fun i guess. Though the idea of going out and interviewing people give me creeps, but i guess a mixture of well-natured friends and a new buddy called lexisnexis helped a great deal in writing my virgin entry for the... unpublished press. Hehs.

Here goes!

Mixed Responses Towards Ban on Protests

SINGAPORE, 13th September 2006 - Some say it's a good thing, others protest against it.

Singaporeans have vastly differing viewpoints when asked about their views on the authorities’ ban on outdoor protests in the upcoming International Monetary Fund (IMF) and World Bank meetings.

Most people felt that the government was 'doing the right thing' in imposing the ban on outdoor protests.

"I feel that it is okay," says Charmain Lee, 19, a communications student in NTU. She added, "this (ban) is to the interest of Singapore citizens. We cannot afford to have riots that might arise from the outdoor protests."

According to the police, protesters will only be allowed in a small indoor area, of 50 square metres, near the entrance of the convention hall which can hold up to 500 people.

The issue of the ban on the outdoor protests came under fire in recent months, when several civil society organizations (CSOs) questioned the need for the ban. Earlier, the World Bank's Singapore representative Peter Stephens had urged the authorities to allow outdoor protests by accredited CSOs as well.

Expectedly, there are irate citizens who feel that the ban is overboard. "People should have a right to express their opinions in any way they want, so long they don't turn violent," said Justin Zhuang, 22, a communications student in NTU. "There is a general misconception that protests are violent in nature," he added.

Senior Minister Gok Chok Tong cited examples of protests turning violent in Hong Kong last year, to highlight the necessity of the ban in an explanation of the need for the ban.

More than 16,000 delegates are in town for the IMF and World Bank meetings held at the Suntec City Convention Hall, beginning today. The meetings is expected to last until the 20th September 2006, during which discussion forums between the delegates and various leaders of the accredited CSOs will be held as well.

===

Geeee. Damn amateurish right? Hahaha. who cares anyway. it's a good start! =p And i'm supposed to submit another writing assignment by next week. This time on school acommodation or transport issues. Don't run away if i ask you questions alright? =)

It's been a hectic week i guess. Meetings, classes, studying for quizzes, projects and a belated birthday celebration was what took place over the past days. More to come over the next few as well.

Kudos to enghow and gang for giving me a 'surprise' celebration in ntu. Love you guys to bits. =) thanks to people like junting carrie jason joy bowen for coming all the way down to ntu just for me. Thanks a million people. you guys made my day, and i'm glad i'm in this with all of you. =)

And yes. I'm not going crazy yet, for the record. Just that i'm getting a lil cranky nowadays due to the lack of sleep, and also being conscious that i'm gaining weight's not very healthy either. Ahhh. =))

And i've got a quiz on friday too! God bless me...

1261. Freaking Out

2006-09-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

It flashed across my mind. Again. How i freaked out when it happened for the second time. How i just feel like being a child and burst out in tears. How i simply shudder in a corner and try to calm myself down. How i heard myself breathing so hard and fast, i thought i was going to get an asthma attack.

It happened again. I can't believe it. And i can't take it.

It's a small matter. But somehow it affected me. Somehow, the accident last year give me a really big phobia of vehicular accident of any sorts.

And i remembered how i screamed.

I feel so... vulnerable once again. I wonder if it's the sleep deficiency that's getting to me, or just bad memories.

This evening i just felt so lonely again. I was behaving like a weirdo, wearing a sweater, and using the hood over my head and curling myself up on the floor. It felt so cold, and i felt so alone. I just felt like flying away to a foreign land, where no one knows me. Felt like i didn't want to go home. Felt like i just wanted to escape.

To where? i don't know.

1260. Stupid Questions

2006-09-07T13:33:00.000+08:00

Stupid brothers ask stupid questions.

"Eh, how do you open the door of the washing machine?"

".........."

Whatever la. Stupid questions.

====

And 816's AB assignment is killing me la. And i have no freakin idea how to do it at all.

1259. Post Birthday Thanks

2006-09-04T11:10:00.000+08:00

It's been a really long night, and a wonderful one to boot. Been a long time since i last had a chalet, and it's good to see old friends, and catching up on people that i haven't seen for so, so, long. =)

Thanks to mom, aunts and many more, for helping to get the food, and to prepare the food from afternoon till late. Mom's the best, i guess. She cooked from 4 till about 8, just to ensure that we all had enough food to eat. And there were loads of leftovers. I felt so bad. Ayes. Mom, you're the best.

mervin, kaiching, mingxiu, lingfang, zofia, shiyun, yemin, leon, adyll, kelvin, edith, shannon, mandric, keesiang, dingneng, jillian, valerie, joanne, guancheng, terry, adeline, henry, mabel, chuhul, huiyin, lionel, calvin, weiming and gf, kelvin, eric, suya, kelly, alan, brian, kenneth, jason, colin, scott, imran, amanda, dawn, raihana, kelvin, charmain, chrystal, tingyi, erwin, layming, angeleigh, hazel, shulin. Thank you all, for sharing the wonderful night. Thanks for the wonderful presents as well. Hope that the food was sufficient, and you guys enjoyed enough baileys and vodka as well. Now that i'm older, i'll try to behave a bit more decently. But well, you know i say that every year, so it's not gonna happen. Lol. Yes, i know i need a haircut, and with all the angpows i'll get one soon alright.

And talking about the angpows. Thanks to all the relatives who came, some whom i vaguely remembered, but still blessed with with those red packets, which is in dire needs now that i've paid for so many stuff. But nonetheless it was worth it i guess. Of course, not without the sponsorship of mom and many others too, this won't be possible. So thanks once again people. Love you all. =))

1258. Big Blue Bash!

2006-09-03T00:44:00.000+08:00

aye aye, it's been some time since i'm here. and i'm definitely getting lazier and lazier in terms of blogger. Talk about law of diminishing marginal returns. Hehs.

And today's the big bash!! come come!! =))) come and catch up and have fun ya? =))

1257. DSA

2006-08-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

Dancesport Academy welcome tea was pretty fun i guess. Lols. Trying to learn new dance, albeit simple dance steps, is fun by itself. So long you're with friends. Yeah.

So it's confirmed. Chairperson sci-foc 2007. Long ride ahead, challenges await, but i hope i'll come out stronger, better, nicer and of course, with a successful camp and stronger friendships forged.

Hence, I need volunteers for jobs. Programmers, biz managers, publicity officers, logistics officers, media officers and many others all up for grabs. Drop me a msg on msn if you're interested. Seniors, come on and join in the fun as well.

And i'm like so late, and i'm like so dead cuz i'm so behind time for my cs111 project outline. And i'm so braindead, thinking of what to write for the outline. Grrrr. Someone save me.

Till next time.

1256. Taipei Male Choir

2006-08-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

Finally home, from the taipei male choir performance. Those dudes are simply fantastic singers, proving themselves by presenting a one-night concert in singapore power auditorium. There's like so many unhappiness and hiccups in the pre-arrival arrangements to host them, but now that it's over, i'm sure glad that we did.

Went to the airport to receive the taiwanese choir yesterday, and brought them to the costa sands resort at pasir ris. Looked like they were all satisfied with the accomodation, and shortly after their briefing and all, most of them happily went off in search of the beach. They are a disciplined bunch as well; moving as a group all the time, and only going their own way at the stipulated times.

Guest-sung at tonight's concert; after all, we are the host choir for them. Somehow i just think that we're performance-saturated. It's getting a lil... tiring. It's yet another friday perform, sunday practice kind of weekend. But thankfully it's the last for now, at least for another four months i guess.

They gave us this booklet with their CDs and a write-up as a momento, it's really nice of them i guess. And there was this guy from the taipei choir who gave me another CD of themselves as well. Cool, i'd say. Exchanged emails, and shortly after we sent them off on the bus to johor for their next performance.

I realized that i haven't blogged substantially for a really long time. It's just school, tuition, hanging out with friends everyday. So mundane, there's actually nothing much to talk about on the blog. And i'm like getting very careful of what i write in the blog as well. I know people are reading. I know people who matters are reading. And somehow, i just don't wanna disappoint these people, so i'd rather not blog.

Had the foc07 chairperson interview today. I'd love to use the phrase 'i screwed it up', but i guess that's just too cliche. I don't think i performed as well as i did. And i don't think i'd get the job. Somehow i'm getting this feeling that someone else is preferred over me. I just hate this feeling. Haiz. I'm just wondering, and recapping about how much i want this job. I realized i seemed have foregone every other extra-curricular stuff for this. Like hall life. Like running for ci club exco. Like even going to look around for ccas. Not that i wanna join ntu choir. I don't think i'd survive 4 days of choir a week, including consort. So frankly, if i don't get this probably i have to start searching for a good cca. Me ain't gonna lead a muggertoad life.

Projects running up and fast, papers creeping their way into my life as well. As far as i remember, there's a project for cs111 and cs108, presentations for cs111 and cs102, paper for cs108, and god knows what other stuff may come my way. And i'm just so ambivalent about it. Friends are like complaining about the endless tutorials and lab reports they are handling outside lesson time, and yet i'm so stressed up over all the class discussions that we had over deep-throat, mrbrown and journalistic methods.

And i'm running into some problems planning for my birthday. Guestlist's bursting, and food's running low. And i've yet to orer my cake. Guess i'd have to do so tomorrow. And i've yet to finalized so many details about my party. Like the food list. And the decorations. And who's helping out. Think tomorrow morning's a good time to finish them all up. ARGH.

It's emo day i guess. =))

Tomorrow shall be a better day...

1255. New Mac

2006-08-25T00:24:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah. this is like old news, considering that i've been announcing to the whole world that i got my mac ever since tuesday. Hahaha. And i'm still like grasping the functions. Quite a sleek device, i have to say. And i'm loving it. =p

My birthday's clashing with M.A.D. Haiz. Guess that's one big chunk of people that can't make it for my party then. Haiz.

And i'm so craving for the red crumpler. Urgh. But let's not be too extravagant... haiz...

1254. Busy Weekend

2006-08-21T14:28:00.000+08:00

Happy 21st birthday, roomie. Haha.

Yeah, it's been an eventful weekend, i suppose. With choir, merv's birthday celebration, tuition and yayun's pageant preview (sorry gal for not making it), i had to make choices. And shawn completed my weekend with an online assignment. Urgh.

I think i made a big boo-boo on the decorations for mervin's birthday chalet. Haizz. There goes another demerit point for me by my roomie. Boo. I didn't know red & green will have that glaring an xmas effect as i thought.

His birthday party was at changi, pretty ulu, but the turnout was good nonetheless. Helped a bit in the decoration, blowing up of balloons, running a couple of errands, and other stuff. Met a lot of people there, many of them i don't know, so it's kind of hard to start somewhere. Doesn't help when old friends like louis can't recognise me. Geee...

Looks like this is gonna be a busy week again. Urgh.

1253. Guestlist & Wishlist

2006-08-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

Finally, my guest list is more or less finalized! The final touch-up will be after mervin's party this saturday, to see if such a big crowd is feasible after all. =)

Anyway... for the uninitiated... my 21st big one is coming up in 2 wk's time! And most of you should be invited! ;) So, keep a lookout for the blue blue invite that's coming your way!

Next up! Wishlist! Just a little fantasy exercise that i always conduct this time each year... hehehe...

1) A RED crumpler!
2) le coq sportif slingbags!! think they are pretty cool!
3) New shoes!
4) haiavanas!! more!!!
5) Graphic tees~ they rock! NUM has some pretty nice ones, though some of them look a tad too gay. haha.
6) more clothes! you can never run out of them... hahaha...
7) A watch!
8) Long, long personal letters!
9) soft toys!!! especially eeyores & russ bears!!
10) A good wallet. But then again, i always buy my own wallets. Cuz i have a quirky preference. =/
11) Berms!! My size's 32!
12) All my friends to attend my party on the 3rd!!
13) ummm. someone special? =pp

Aiyah. frankly, it's only a fantasy exercise. (maybe except the last one. =p) I was just telling dawn today that birthdays are like over-commercialised, somewhat like xmas, where people lose the meaning of receiving gifts.

So well... surprise me k? And just bless me with your presence that day. See ya people!

But of course, a nice lil card would warm the coldest of hearts. ;)

1252. Ailing Tummy

2006-08-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

My tummy's giving my problems, headaches and all. Yes, still.

So much so that i thought i'd be delivered when i went to see the campus doctor today, but apparently he wasn't of much help. It felt like using a self-service automated machine, where you declare all your symptoms and he just pump in the prescription. The next moment before you know it, you're out of that damned consultation room.

Think i should consult my family doctor if the charcoal pills and anti-nausea pills don't work by thursday.

2nd week of school, first tutorials. Killing me, especially with this aching tummy. And now that the projects are spilling in, i'm feeling the heat. Urgh. And the extra readings and all, i thought i could cope, but i'm seriously having my doubts now. But then again, it might be still a lil early to jump to such conclusions. Let the future worry for itself. ;)

And tomorrow's a late day. And i've no freakin idea what tutorial i'm having, for i left my timetable in hall. gee.

1251. Choral Presentation Night

2006-08-12T11:30:00.000+08:00

Slee deficit really kills, i tell you. After snoozing barely 4 hours the night after hall 3 bash at butter factory, i dragged myself out of bed for a 1-hour lecture. Unsurprisingly, many others came along, zombified as well. I was busy with the bash, and i wondered what they were up with.

Went to pick up the 101 textbook after lecture. Locating the ntu popular was a tricky one already, and queueing up to pay for the book was disgusting as well. The text book was painfully expensive, and it's compounded by the 2 stack of coursepacks we had to buy from the school photocopy man. All totally how much? a cool 60 over dollars. Ouch. i could buy 30 packs of chicken rice with that. No wait. Inflation. I can only buy 24 packs now.

Attended the hss minor brief, before hitting my pillow back in hall again. Headed down to vch thinking that i'm late, fortunately vic chorale was still rehearsing when i got there. Was so full, couldn't really sing anyway. And my gums sorta hurt. During dinner time. Went for more coffee during the break we had, and my gums hurt even more. Ouch. And anyway, bk serves really bad coffee. All sour and bland, and you'll be wondering if it's worth all that 1.70 in the first place.

Went out with the usual gang to menotti for supper, as a sort of a farewell function for xiaoping and lingfang. It was a mundane affair, with the usual gossips, jokes and throwing-our-face singing (only by the out-of-tune duo) over good food, good fun and time spent in the cosy place. I was tired, very tired in fact, and much irritated by my huting gums. Grrr.

Kudos to jo, fio, jill and val for the lovely flowers. So nice of you gals to still remember me. ;)

1250. Roomie

2006-08-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

I think i've let my roomie down big time over the past month.

First was the cac camp. i left him high and dry barely halfway thru the camp, and never to return to the camp cuz i fell ill, much to his gf's wrath i think. Then when it came to cleaning up the rooms, i couldn't really help much cuz the dust was getting to my nose, making me all sneezy and watery-eyed. It was so bad, he had to drive for me from ntu back to town. Today, i was down with food poisoning, and i had to forgo a promised ktv outing with him and his friends. And just now, he gave me a call and told me that i forgot to switch off the aircon in the room.

Ouch. i feel so useless all of a sudden. haiz.

1249. Travel

2006-08-09T20:51:00.000+08:00

It seems that many people love to travel around asia, to exotic locations such as cambodia, laos, vietnam and many other. Probably there are many nice things to see around these locations, but personally i'd beg to differ. Modern places are for me. Probably that's why i'm so crazy about going to states. Probably even save enough money and blow it all on a 1-2 month tour in US. But i guess that's really gonna hurt my wallet big time.

Ah, enough of big dreams for now. I love modern places. I love bustling cities, with people coming out in the streets and congregating in the squares, having fun, sipping coffee in the modern cafes and shopping for the latest threads. I love to get myself on long rides to faraway places, with like 1 or 2 stopovers so i can explore airports. I think airports are really fantastic places where you can meet a myriad of people. A wide variety of people, from all over the globe. I'm one of those who believe that if you wanna travel, you should pamper yourself to the max. Don't opt for a 2-star hostel when you can get a 3 or 4-star hotel for say, 100 bucks more. Don't walk your guts out when you can enjoy a cab ride for a few bucks. And don't bargain your way shamelessly. Even at places where bargaining is explicitly prohibited.

Ah. i just want to travel again... >.< And this time round, i wanna do hongkong!

1248. Fever

2006-08-09T16:47:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since i fell ill. Down with fever, to be exact.

Having only 1-hour lecture yesterday, i spent a couple of hours before that, pulling my hair out over the darned photocopy machines in leeweenam library. I have had half a mind to give up, but i finished printing those darned readings anyway. Spent some time after that lecture teaching amanda how to use stars, and then met angeleigh and ziliang for dinner at jp. Apologies friends, for arriving so late. Wonders never cease, for god knows why 199 drivers always love to speed when they are not required to, and slow down when all of us are in a rush.

Dinner at banquet. Wondered what to eat. Saw some people having nasi briyani, and i craved for it too. But to my exasperation, i couldn't find it. So i settled for claypot rice instead, only to later discover the stall that sold the darned briyani. Dammit. Argh. Bought some drinks, and because of my laziness to use the tray, spilled coffee and bandung over my white tee. Wow... everything's going all so fine for me. And not shortly after that, my tummy started feeling funny. Went to the toilet twice, and on my way home, just felt super duper horrible. Took two bots of pochai pills before going to sleep...

And then today, i woke up aching all over and with a fever. Argh. No doctors were opened, so i had to rely on my old medicine. Apologies mervin, for yet again not turning up for the ktv session. Slept my day away, before i'm finally well enough to wake up and log on...

Thank God, there's no school tomorrow. Whew.

I'm feeling all lousy and clammy now. And i'd like to attribute it to the fact that i'm ill. But well. It'll be nice if i have had someone by my side now. ;) But wells. I can't do anything about it i guess. Except to rest.

1247. First Day of School

2006-08-07T20:56:00.000+08:00

But of course, how can anyone not blog about their first day in school?

Then again, probably there're more people not blogging about it than those who do.

Whatever.

Let me digress from the topic first. Last night was a smashing time of supper with chris, jason, roy and daniel. A short and cozy affair, bitching over chomp chomp's (not that famous anymore) hokkien prawn noodles, satay, oyster omelettes and watered-down sugar cane juice. And I seriously think we did scare away the patrons on the next table with our conversations. If i didn't know better i'd have thought that they freaked out. Haha. It has been a while since i had supper there, and i was pretty surprised that seats could be secured so easily, almost within minutes of arrival. Probably because it was a sunday. And people had to work. But then again, do yuppies care nowadays? They'd only care when they hit the midlife crisis and realized that they are losing their health along with their sleep.

I sent them all back, since it was well after midnight. It's fun to zip down the expressways in the middle of the night, when there are like no cars to compete for lane space and weaving menacingly through the traffic. Although there's still a considerable amount of traffic at CTE (which i didn't understand why at all) but it was all fun and pass too quickly.

Alright, back to day. So you know, definitely i'd have had a sleep deficit. Waking up was already a chore. Waking up at 630 in the morning is just so much more excruciating. All these pain just to hitch a ride from dad to school, and save on that money and torture of sardine-packing in the morning rush to boon lay.

Three lectures, two venues, and with almost no time to zip between the venues. Definitely i was cursing under my breath about the efficiency of the varsity administration. Certainly it didn't made sense for us to run from one end of the school, up one flight of stairs, take the lift up 4 storeys, across the nanyang auditorium, into the north spine and up another 4 storeys for another 1.5 hour lecture before backtracking to school for yet another lecture. It's just... brainless.

102 was by far the most interesting lecture of the three i guess. (Yes, insider's joke.) It's interesting to note that 102 is actually a course about journalism and not a how-to course, and it's also interesting to know that there's just sooooo many things to know about journalism's role in the media. Yeah, it's just interesting. =) Though 108 was more of a personal fav due to the nature of the course, but there's something that's putting me off. But i'll try to like it anyway. Haha. 111 was just like social studies / economics / human geography all rolled into one. With projects, papers and endless readings to do, i figured that i was in for a hard time. Reading was never my forte. Projects were never my forte. And paper-writing is like the pits of all. But it's alright. They all say i'll grow to love it. =x

I'm gonna clean up my bunk tomorrow. I promise. =p

1246. School's Starting

2006-08-05T12:12:00.000+08:00

I spent the past hour or so clearing up the long overdued pile of letters and whatnots stuffed into that small lil shelf on my table, filing them into where they belong. Gee, i'm such a good procrastinator, i found bills from 3 months ago. And travel insurance policies for my bangkok trip in february. Fantastic.

Realization hit me as i was filing them, and taking out those ntu-related letters to file in a seperate file. School's starting on monday. And i was checking out cherion's email (well, he said he sent one) and i made the biggest mistake of the night: logging into edventure and scaring the hell out of myself with the number of readings that he has already put up for us. Ummmm... and school's not even started. Gee. And reading the syllabus for 108, i found out that we'd be required to do up a 12-page essay as part of the CA for that module... i'msogonnabedead. (Did i ever tell you i never really liked essays? I think i had better change my mindset.)

I'm getting the pre-school jitters. After all, i was brain-dead for 2.5 years. Somebody help me.

But on the other hand, I can't wait for school to start. To hang out with my new-found friends and all, and start getting my hands dirty in constructive things that will eventually lead me to a, what they call, "a fulfilling varsity life". So cliche. I'd just put it as... i want to have the time of my life. ;)

And i've got tuition today and tomorrow. =)) And choir. And we're performing next friday. It seems like so frequent and non-eventful nowadays, these performances.

1245. Timetable

2006-08-02T13:13:00.000+08:00

I've got a three and a half day week. Should i consider myself lucky? Haha.

Here's a lil summary:

Monday: 0900-1330,1530-1630
Tuesday: 1400-1830
Wednesday: 0830-1000,1130-1600,1630-1830
Thursday: None
Friday: 0830-1030

So well well.. i've got tuesday mornings, whole of thursdays and fridays afternoon free. Think i should be able to overload something.... Gee. Should i? Muahahaha.

1244. w800i

2006-07-30T01:06:00.000+08:00

Went around some starhub shops today, but my search for w800i was in vain today. Most of them ran out of that, and they're not bringing in new pieces. Only singtel seems to be carrying them now.

I'm feeling all angsty and stuff today. Just felt that things weren't going my way. And especially when people don't reply my smses. It just adds on to the frustration. Self-inflicted one, that is. So sirs & mdms, please check your phone, and if you do get my smses, do me the favour.

Argh. i'm going all bonkers, probably from lack of sleep and peaceful rest. Maybe i'm just tired. Maybe i'm looking for the wrong things. Wait, i think i'm looking for the wrong things from the wrong people.

Alright, melancholy should take to the benches now. Shoo, go away.

1243. Reminiscence

2006-07-28T19:51:00.000+08:00

it was one of the regular night's off. And we went to town, aimlessly strolling around. Sat around spinelle's at heeren, blabbering incessantly about all the crap that happens in camp, without giving any thoughts to which prying ears could be picking up information around us. and no, i didn't smoke there, contrary to popular beliefs. smoking was only reserved to clubbing nights and coupled with alcohol.

Those were the days. And of course, we have all moved on. And no, we haven't forgotten anything. It's just that we've moved on and left those times as part of our precious memories of the friendship we had. And still have.

1242. Many Things

2006-07-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

Ahh. my first accident after i got my licence. Wow.

Drove mom to see a doctor today, and dropped by junction 8 for the tuition fee loan and a cuppa before we head to aunt's place at aljunied to collect a document. In the carpark at aljunied, i did a wide turn (as again), and i happy rubbed my bumper off the side door of another vehicle. Say wow.... and yes, i was like totally sianned, and mom just went out, strangely calm, and settled the issue for me.

Shall not go into the details. but i've gotta admit, that whole incident just totally destroyed my day. So badly, i didn't want to turn up for the outing. In all childishness, i just wanted to stay home and sulk. Lol.

Decided to make my life a lil better by going out eventually. Was two hours late, but who cares. The group's pretty small today, and all we did was to walk from tangs, to heeren to check out havs (but i didn't buy), to cineleisure to see if there's any movie to watch (none), back to wheelock for coffee (and i had bk), into zara for some window shopping, and then towards taka for ice-cream at DQ (cuz the one outside wheelock ran out of ice-cream), and finally to PS cuz charlene wanted to go spotlight. We went on a wild goose chase since she couldn't find what she wanted though. Did a lil shopping before having dinner at long john's silver. It was like eons ago since i last had ljs. And it's like all oily and heaty, and i was telling myself not to have so much fries but i gobbled up half the pack anyway. The killer moment was when we walked past fox. AND WE WENT IN. and before we knew it... tingyi and myself got out of the shop, 67 bucks poorer, together. Gee.

And yes, mr nah, i'm running. Are you?

1241. Insecurities & A Class Photo

2006-07-27T09:25:00.000+08:00

Insecurities set in when i'm down, out and feeling sick. Like yesterday. And maybe today. My stomach feels queasy and hungry half the time, when i swear i've eaten in the last four hours or so. And after i've eaten again, i'll feel damn guilty. And the cycle goes on.

When i'm down, i'll think. Of every single nonsensical warped logic you can ever think of. Of how the whole world hates me. Of course i know that's not true. The whole world doesn't even know me, and people are not out to hate each other. (Although i do know of a few who's main motive in life to be a pain in the arse.)

Alright. Let's talk about something else. 9 years down the road, we finally had an extensive gathering of my primary school graduating class. 6A'97. Imagine how long ago was that. Everyone grew up, while most people looked the same, albeit looking like enlargements of the little boy or girl i used to know, there are some who changed drastically as well. Just as i remembered how we visited ms teo back in sec 3 during chinese new year, i saw stephanie with countless piercings, including the one on her tongue that totally grossed me out.

The turnout for the gathering was astounding, given that we all have moved on, 9 years in time. With some of us guys moving into universities and the girls flying all over the globe for their tertiary education, kudos to every single dude and lass for joining us on this little get-together. Of course, a million thanks to wenyu who painstakingly called every single member of the class, and started a buzz of emails flying all over in the running up to this event. Many thanks to tienfa for the wonderful place and preparation of the food too.

kaiyi,changquan, weijie, jianxiang, kunlei, tauwen, joel
joanna, sweeyong, zhenghao, jeremy, zhiwei
ziling, kerchun, wenyu, gabriel, guangfeng
jane, ms teo, kaiyuan, tienfa, melissa, yilong
me, kenneth loy

1240. Moody

2006-07-26T19:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i wish i have every reason to get moody.

When things goes wrong and a frown forms on your face, you'll just focus on everything else that doesn't go your way. For example, the lift that just closed on you the moment you run towards it.

I lost a tuition student today. So imagine how much i was cursing and swearing at every single cat that got in my way when i was walking to the mrt station.

1240. Missing in Action

2006-07-25T23:56:00.000+08:00

Seems like i missed alot on the crooning session yesterday with the fflooshers. Well, with all you people giving your afterthoughts i guess i'll just make do with the sypnosis. Hahaha.

Ok, let me steer the attention 180 degrees away from ffloosh to something else.

Imagine with me: you are blindfolded, and led around in an unfamiliar territory. No one tells you anything, nor explain to you the significance of the event that's supposed to take place. You walk on, and on, hands on the shoulders of the person in front of you, and talk endlessly with him or her, to relax and make the best out of the uneasiness of the situation. You hear footsteps, laughter and the next thing you know, the 'weatherman' is here and you feel powdery stuff being littered on you. Cold water then descend on you, first in sprinkles, with increasing volume each time.

And that's only the appetizer.

"Cross your arms in front of your chest. Keep your knees straight. Now fall back." And into a soggy mattress you go, instantly wetting your entire back, butt and all. To everyone's relief that's only water, or so it seemed by the smell of it. But what came next was worse, if not as bad. Chewing on something that was supposedly raisin, it reeked of wasabi, tasted nothing like wasabi, and felt like some styrofoam bearings that came out of a torn beanbag. Followed by leopard crawling through a mud-ridden canvas sheet, suddenly it seemed so much more enjoyable when one is in long four back in bmt.

And no, that's still not the end yet.

You are being led across alternating grass patches and brickways, totally unaware of where you're heading and what you're going. Though not manhandled, the dirt, grime and more importantly, the lack of sight brings out all the fear in you. At a top of a slope, you are told to sit down on what seemed like yet another piece of canvas. Being pushed to lie down on the slope, and having your legs crossed, and down you slide. Recall, when was the last time you actually played on a slide of any sort? It was childhood replay-time, ending in a nightmare of a mudpile right at the bottom. Ouch. Soft and creamy, it almost felt like you landed into a pool of chocolate mousse. Of course, there are none of the chocolatey smell at all. Across another long path you take, and you are told, this is the finale. You sit down where they tell you to, and you stick your legs over the ledge, into the surprisingly warm water. And you walk through it, with nothing to guide you except one thin nylon rope above your head which you're to hold on to at all times.

And that conclude my last night. Thank you.

On a lighter note, some kind soul returned me my documents by post today. Even though i lost my wallet and money, but i guess it's good to count my blessings. =))

1238. Lost

2006-07-22T10:50:00.000+08:00

Stepping into the fourth day since i lost possession of my wallet, i'm wondering if there are still kind souls out there who know how to return lost documents.

Go go, take my money if you want, just mail me my ic back. I'll gladly renumerate you if you leave your particulars with it. Because if i really have to replace it, it'll be an accumulative 700 dollars to date into the government's pocket.

Gee, now you know why i'm short of money. Always.

Had a sudden craving for cafe cartel yesterday, so i went lunching with chris. Hazel joined us after her lessons to scout for a gift for their baby cousin. Inevitably, i found a new role as a prezzie advisor.

With my impatience and their oh-so-limited budget, we settled on a playdoh set which was amazingly affordable at 20 bucks for 3 cans of dough, and numerous moulds and dough-presses. Additional dough could be bought at 3 bucks for 2 cans. Perhaps i should buy some to relive my sad childhood.

Losing my wallet is a perfect excuse for shopping for a new one, so into the wallet shop i went. Nothing interesting. I'm still pining for my old one. Gee. And sadly, it's no longer on the market. The present wallet collections are pretty boring at best. It's either something too loud that rebellious adoloscences will carry, or simply too simple and dull. Nothing in between. Nothing even close to my old one.

I have a penchant for purse-like wallets akin to passport holders kind, like my old one. Something with a simple coloured design on a leather or similar make. Something large enough for me to carry all my odds and ends, and yet not lose its shape or bulge till it's out of shape.

I'm a fussy guy. And guys are fussy about their wallets, as much as girls care for their handbags.

Speaking of bags. i want a tote bag too. >.<

1237. Mouse

2006-07-21T00:52:00.000+08:00

It feels weird not to have a mouse. Mom forgot to bring it home today from her workplace. And half the time, i'll absent-mindedly reach out to feel for the mouse that isn't there.

Sometimes, things are taken for granted unknowingly until we don't have them. Only then will we know, something's not quite right.

1236. Myriad of Events

2006-07-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

The past 48 hours was like the most happening days of my life man, i swear.

Let's go through my wallet, for the uninitiated to shannon's wallet:

IC - $300
11B - $50
PDL - $25
POSB debit card - free
UOB atm card - $5
Library card - $3 (i think)
Church membership card - $3 (i think)
Cash - $80
Wallet itself - $60
Loyalty discount cards - vary
Photocards - priceless

I lost them all. Yesterday. And i just pray that some kind soul will return at least my ic. Grrrr. And i still owe eric some money for taking cab with me all over to look for my wallet. Thanks bro, thanks a million. =)

====

On the bright side, i'm finally hitting the roads. My licence is born. ;) After such a long time... the kind tester decides to grant me my wish. And boy, i tell you, it's really God at work. Ask me, and i'll tell you why next time. ;)

====

And here are some more photos of the hae outing on tuesday. Hahaha.

gelare @ citylink; jess fio & me!

more of us! scott & amanda so bitchy... =p

the rose among the thorns =p; camwhoring (yet again)

miak & i on the way home!

1235. Wishlist Updates

2006-07-19T12:33:00.000+08:00

I need NEW gadgets.

First up, handphones!

I was thinking of getting an n70 some time back, but i realized that it's getting shamelessly common. In fact, i'd love to get an n80, but at that price, it's virtually out of my range. Aesthetically, it ain't that pleasing as well... much as i love classy phones like the n80, it's a lil too bulky for me. And i guess like all other classy gadgets i used to have, i never fail to scratch them within the first month. so nokia, you're out.

So i'm actually eyeing the w700i & w800i. w800i's the better model, albeit it's the older one. w700i doesn't come with autofocus and synchro with apple, among other unimportant functions. Size-wise, both are similar. And i've actually very much prefer white with orange rather than titanium gold with orange, even though eric told me that the w700i looks very classy. When i was doing aa06 earlier this year i was actually deployed with darren just before i left for my bangkok trip. And i was playing with his w800i, and i was sooooooooo tempted to get one at that time. But well, there was still a long way for my contract, so i decided to just wait it out. And frankly, i doubt i can find w800i that easily on the market now, unless you're talking about the 2nd-hand market.

And i should be getting a macbook instead of the acer w3022 that i was eyeing. Let's compare some specs here:

Acer 3022:

-Intel® Core™ Duo processor T2300 (1.66GHz, 667MHz FSB, 2MB L2 cache)
-512MB DDR II RAM
-Intel® 945GM integrated 3D graphics, featuring Intel® Graphics Media Accelerator (GMA) 950 with up to 224 MB of shared memory, supporting Microsoft® DirectX® 9.0 and PCI Express®
-12.1" WXGA Acer CrystalBrite™ colour TFT LCD, 1280 x 800, 16.7M colours
-Intel® 945GM Integrated 3D Graphics with up to 224MB of shared system memory
-80GB S-ATA HDDDVD-Super Multi Double-Layer Drive (DVD+/-RW, External)
-3 x USB ports, 1 x PC Card slot, 1 x IEEE port (6-pin), 1 x FIR port, 1 x ethernet port, 1 x modem port
-Acer PrimaLite™ technology
Modem: 56K ITU V.92 modem with PTT approval; Wake-on-Ring ready
LAN: Gigabit Ethernet; Wake-on-LAN ready
Wireless LAN: Intel® PRO/Wireless 3945ABG network connection (dual-band tri-mode 802.11a+b+g) Wi-Fi
-1.65kg with 6-cell battery pack
-SGD$2598 (before GST)

MacBook:

-Intel® Core™ Duo processor T2300 (2.0GHz, 667MHz FSB, 2MB L2 cache)
-1GB DDR II RAM
-120GB 5400-rpm Serial ATA hard disk drive
-Intel GMA 950 graphics processor with 64MB of DDR2 SDRAM shared with main memory
-13.3-inch (diagonal) glossy widescreen. TFT display with support for millions of colors
-Communications
Built-in 10/100/1000BASE-T Gigabit Ethernet (RJ-45 connector)
Built-in 54-Mbps AirPort Extreme wireless networking (based on 802.11g standard)
Built-in Bluetooth 2.0 + Enhanced Data Rate (EDR) up to 3 Mbps
-One FireWire 400 port (8 watts); Two USB 2.0 ports (up to 480 Mbps); Mini-DVI port with support for DVI.
-2.36kg
-SGD$2576 (before GST)

the choice is pretty obvious, isn't it? ;)

1234. Hae Outing

2006-07-19T01:41:00.000+08:00

Hae Outing!!! We had 14 people!!! hahahaha~

First stop! Gelare citylink mall! Tuesday's waffle day, so how could we miss such a delectable appetizer? Lols.

Next up, marina food loft for dinner. Of course, the appetite has to be worked up by some extensive window shopping... lols~ shopping with GIRLS. a whole load of fun. =p

And... coffee and chats till late. Frankly, i dunno what else to say. I'm just glad that so many of us could turn up for the outing, and in fact, we're yearning for more!

Ate kuey chap in the morning. Half a waffle in the evening, roast duck rice and some lil snack for supper. And i'm feeling hungry now. Shit. i'm getting FAT.

1233. Funeral

2006-07-18T00:04:00.000+08:00

Something random before i go to the subject proper. You know i tend to think a lot whenever time and space allows for it. And such an occasion arose just now, while i was sitting and staring into blank space at my uncle's wake. It's those times where you have wonderful arguments and theories formulating in your head, and you'll be wondering where's blogger when you need it especially so at that time.

I guess i didn't like announce to the whole world that my 5th uncle lost his battle with lymphoma last friday, while we were having starry starry night. Before you send your condolences, i'm not actually close to him. At all, sadly. He was one of those relatives whom i see once or twice a year, usually at chinese new year or any other major events. That's one of the problems with large families in our parents' generation, you can say. So finally after much procrastination, i finally got my big butt to the wake somewhere in the far jurong west after tuition today.

Met the usual relatives, and answered the usual questions. "Yes i'm (my mother's name) son." "yes i'm going uni this year" "yes i'm turning 21 this year." "no i don't have a girlfriend." and the list goes on. And of course, after all these mandatory re-introductions, i'll relinquish to the far corner table, and silently tuck into the typical funeral tidbits of peanuts and packet drinks. (It's strange why they don't serve can drinks, huh?) Before long, i got bored, and i went off, walking around the neighbourhood, calling people to kill time.

I guess i'm pretty relieved that yet again, i'm spared from all these rites. So as i watched from afar, i observed. The monks and volunteers leading the prayers. Leading rounds around the casket. Chanting monotonous and seemingly boring prayers. And all my relatives seemed so... emotionless. I wonder if they were tired of crying, or they were simply numb. Numb from all the proceedings, numb from all these hype. It seems to me that all that's done is out of obligation. Outside of the rites, sisters were discussing about the possibility of hitting someone's else house for a game of mahjong or two. I see my granny crying a moment, and chatting incessantly with another fellow granny in another. It's like, hey, wasn't this supposed to be an event of remembrance and mourning?

Humans and their shows. Tomorrow while the casket leaves for the crematorium, i'll probably see more people wailing. Whether for the sake of it, or overflowing from the heart, i dun wanna know. After all, i won't be there.

Rest in peace, uncle.

1232. Tears

2006-07-17T00:18:00.000+08:00

There are tears dwelling up in my eyes, i wonder why.

frankly, as i reflect upon my friends, my life and my values, i realized it's nothing but one big gooey mess. there are models that i'd like to follow, principles that i'd love to have, but somehow things don't turn out like that. i know i have problems following them.

i'm just so ill-disciplined.

once again, there are things i wanna do. i want to run for foc'07 exco. it's a far-fetched dream, maybe, but i guess that's something that i wanna do, something challenging, something out of my comfort zone of being simply a consumer. i've got big dreams, but small guts. i've got wild imagination, but limited vocabulary to verbalise it.

i hope, i dream, i want. but will i get?

1231. Haeeeeeee Haeeee!!

2006-07-15T12:19:00.000+08:00

Sadly, the camp ended on a very mild tone. Awwww.....

BUT.

It was great fun. ;)

First day. orientation groups. hae hurr hum lala. 18 girls. 2 guys. pure madness. oestrogen overload. ice-breakers. forfeits. pole dance. butt writing. crazy & hot ogls. scott. cheryl. bimbos. cheers. songs. titanic. oh it's so sad. station games. blackjack. wasabi on biscuits. running around ntu. chubby bunny. washing hair. 'face' painting. sponges. sentosa. siloso beach. emerald pavilion. mascot making. no materials. mer-prawn. late night chats....

Next day. rain. nice morning. snooze. lazy. bread. milo. sun. beach games. pikachu. waterbombs. frisbee. pathetic scores. great fun. laughter. strategies. tournaments. spins. water bottles. sea. suntan. 7-eleven. coke light. toilet break. chairlift. luge. lunch. sandcastles. waterbombs. sea. swim. island. hae rocks. circle of trust. bimbo cheers. back to ntu. showers. late night chats. again.

Off to alpha camp i went. went home. bought new boxers on impulse. went to aloha changi. bee hoon. dota live. water bomb. dice. station master. stormblast. lightning bolt. boots of travel. towers. base. finale. nasi lemak. uno. iced water. teaching. discussion. supper. changi village. long walk back. good chat. aaron. good night sleep.

Back to csfoc. 2.5 hours ride to raffles marina. so tired. kayak. suntan. seat in water. more bitching sessions. play in water. accident. cut my feet. 4 incisions. limping. plasters. shower. tired. bridge. starry starry night. hall 7. buffet dinner. rehearsals. rehearsals. more rehearsals. mermaid. pinocchio. gollum. long nose. acted. cheered. fright night. not funny. a lil scared. but must pretend not scared. thankfully i didn't have to walk alone. excellent actors. realistic make-up and props. alarm clock. clowns. toilet. stairways. lifts. ju-on. very draggy. very tired. late night supper. nasi lemak again. getting damn fat. iced milo. comfort food. more rounds. overnight. sleepless. prize-presentation. forgot what award won. 100 bucks marche vouchers. thankful. tired. break camp. cards for scott & cheryl. photoshoot.

the end.

(yeah right.)

cam-whore time!

mermaid photoshoot: amanda!

the MPPs: xiaoyan, yiqi, miak; The leads: kelvin, meeee, amanda

camwhores in action: yayun, raihana, nat; more camwhores!

nuria, felicia; moi & raihana

the haes! xiaoyan, cathryn, yiqi, felicia, chermaine, nat, nuria, lihoon, yayun, jessica, raihana, miak, amanda, kelvin, moi, fiona, cheryl, scott!

1230. Guys

2006-07-09T12:00:00.000+08:00

Copy this whole chunk from mervin's blog. so true. lols.
and i've made up my mind: move on.
especially after reflecting and evaluation.
things are going nowhere. =)

===

You might agree with it, but when it actually happens, 99% of girls dont realize it till it is too late and that guy who did it is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take advantage of the mood i'm in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T "FEEL BAD". We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say "thank you." Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. If you expect us to dress up, turn up dressed up as well. But if it's an inpromptu meal or casual meeting, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care.

You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful".
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/stud/cutie/sexy" or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; ) And most importantly, don't say it for the sake of pleasing me, especially if i know that i'm not.

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY, DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT.

Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you'reat your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....
and say "i love you" .......

AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

1229. Manager

2006-07-08T21:56:00.000+08:00

I've just been appointed manager for the 21st birthday bash of mr mervin lee.

Wow.

(read: more dirty job. =p)

Oh. i love my childhood fren. =pppp

1228. The Consort Story

2006-07-08T21:49:00.000+08:00

Just saw the consort story clip done up by taijim on keesiang's blog. Here's it.

The Consort Story

We've really come a long way. Way way too long, though i've not been here for too long... but well. I guess i found a reason to stay on. ;)

Love ya peeps. =)

1227. Mr YWY

2006-07-05T17:40:00.000+08:00

To a certain mr yeo,

FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE AND YOUR FREAKING INFORMATION, i am entitled to my views, my thoughts, my friends and most importantly, my life. And just happen so that your gf belongs to my circle of friends, alongside people like jo, fio, gc, cs and whoever there is in tpjc that i know. I'd like to include you in, but unfortunately, from the way it seems, forget it.

So if, if, if, you don't like what you see, scram. You do not have to suffer by typing in MY url, and read this crap. And letting angry thoughts rushing through your mind. Boy, it's unhealthy for the heart.

And try crossing me one more time, and i promise you that this will not be the last time you hear from me.

Thank you. =) And all the best for your 'a's. Lols.

~~Yours sincerely,~~
Whatever.

oh, in case you're wondering, i do have a tracker on my blog. i know my visitors. ;)

i'm feeling dangerous.

And i simply cannot understand why people like to CHOOSE to read stuff that they know they won't like. Apparently mr yeo's not the only one, and so i heard. C'mon, make life easier for yourselves. If you have a chance to shut people out of your lives, do it, especially if there's no reason for your paths to cross ever again.

1226. Happy Birthday Enghow

2006-07-04T00:43:00.000+08:00

Such a simple affair, yet such a powerful atmosphere. A get-together of the army brothers for a reunion steamboat dinner in celebration of enghow's birthday was what i expected, yet i got more than that. I was touched.

Touched by how God has really worked through this brother. Touched by God's providence for those who called on His name faithfully. Touched by God's amazing grace for all of us who needed it so dearly. And touched by the God's love manifested through this band of brothers whom i've known since donkey years ago.

"Christians are really weird people isn't it? They make normal birthday celebrations something so real and alive..." And so said bo. I had to agree. It's indeed one of the best 21st birthday celebrations i've enjoyed thoroughly, flashing back on those memories that was created by these people. It was just so... wonderful.

And enghow, enghow. I can never say enough thanks for all the times you stood by me, praying for me, counselling me and helping me through each time i'm down. It's simply awesome that God could provide me with someone like you, someone whom i could call "bro" so fondly. A million thanks to you, and a dozen times more to God. =) All the best in these four years, and try as i might, i'm gonna run this race with you come what may.

Happy 21st hatchday, dude. =)

1225. Aching Throat

2006-07-03T11:54:00.000+08:00

"eh, are you able to reach the G in your real voice? i think it'll sound better."

dot dot dot. siao. =/

===

oh, i've been binging on chocolate so much, i suffered the after effects this MORNING when i woke up not with a sore throat, but with a painful throat. I can still speak perfectly fine, but my throat hurts like nuts. ouch. wonder what's wrong.

And i'm off to ikea today. mom's treating lunch! yeay! =x

1224. Crisis

2006-07-01T01:00:00.000+08:00

That's it. i'm in a crisis, i have to admit.

There are so many things rushing through my mind at this point in time. So much so that i feel like exploding.

churchconsortfriendsjulsorientationcampsincomequitgarrethalphagodfamilytimetuitionARGH.

my sanity. i need to protect it.

THAT'S it. i'm declaring melancholy season. Everyone else, OUT.

1223. Shift in Focus

2006-06-30T15:35:00.000+08:00

Revelations, revelations. Sometimes a casual message or two may just tell you things that you never knew.

I think i should shift my focus, now that i'm starting school.

And fang-jie's quitting choir. =( No one to dote on me anymore. =(((

Sometimes i'll wonder also, if it's worth all the effort and time? And the funny thing is, my heart don't follow what my head says.

The complexity of the human intuition.

1222. Picturesque Salzburg!

2006-06-30T14:56:00.000+08:00

More photos... as promised!!

vienna train station; in the compartment

mirabell gardens

daniel river (i think)

mozart's birthplace; one of the churches; godknowswhere

bird eye's view of salzburg city at the top of the fortress

more photos from the fortress

sights of king's lake

playing in the lake

notice the different colours of the two rivers; Berchtesgaden town

and munich and switzerland to come....

1221. Fat

2006-06-30T14:29:00.000+08:00

Okie people. i bet you haven't heard this for a looooooooong time.

GEE. I'M FEELING FAT.

Ah. okie. now i'm satisfied. =x

Just got home from mom's school, collecting her lappie so i could use it for the afternoon. So fun. Wheee.

And gee, now i'm bored again. Ahhh. Sians.

1220. Hot

2006-06-28T22:17:00.000+08:00

Yeah, i'm hot under the collar. Literally. After a day bumming at the beach, gee, my arms and my neck's feeling the heat. Ahhh. At least i'm not as lobsterish-red as derek. Hahaha.

Big-fish, small-fish. Haha. Nice table games over dinner. And the paper prata was fantabulous.

It's been a long time since we chilled out at the beach. beach volley. Going into the water. And sleeping on the sun, baking in the berlardy hot sun. Oh, and someone please remind me that palawan beach is ten times better than siloso. =/

Probably gonna do this beachy thing again during the freshie orientation camps, but god knows what other funny stuff the seniors are gonna make us do. Hmmmmmm. Oh, and i've signed up for cs foc. Ahh. and i dunno if i'll regret that. ayesssss.

Tomorrow got tuition, and i'm meeting eric for dinner too. Yeay.

1219. Me

2006-06-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

Yes. ME. hahaha. well. since jo took so many photos of me today. i might as well put them to good use. =p